“Presently…”

My father, Big Pops, maintains a voicemail message on his business line that I hope he never elects to erase. It is worth calling on your lunch break. It is prime material for a screenplay. It is infamous.

His tone is so severe, you are waiting for him to ask you for proof of citizenship, and what you did – exactly – on Feb. 4, 1983. He could scare ex-boyfriends into last year.

After he announces his name and title, he says, “Presently, I am unavailable due to the fact that I…”

Then, he details every reason why he isn’t available to receive your call.
He is on the other line. He is meeting with a client. He got religion.
He has acid indigestion. He just saved a bundle on his car insurance.

It is roughly 7 minutes long.

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ABOUT

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Kendraspondence.com was established in 2003 by Kendra Stanton Lee. The site may be the only worthwhile token from her early twentysomethings, which she spent primarily as a demotivated desk jockey, and buying herself a lot of conciliatory lip gloss.

Kendra was raised in Bay Village, OH where she meditated heavily upon boys and social justice, while riding her red hot mountain bike along Lake Erie. She overachieved all through high school and never once thought to pluck her eyebrows. She spent four prosperous years at Allegheny College – with a sabbatical semester co-oping through American University – and graduated magna cum laude in 2002 with a BA in idealism and something else with no lucrative future.  Kendra recently completed her master’s at Harvard University in an equally unlucrative field.

Kendra lives in Boston, Mass. with her sweet husband Lovey Loverpants and their trophy children Baby Girl and Little Man. Besides the two aforementioned people, Kendra’s favorite things in life are hysterical laughter, voicemails from her brother, Curtis Sittenfeld novels, holding babies, and “This American Life.”  She teaches composition and writing at a local college and farms herself out to various publications.  She is trying to live her life for God above all else.

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